I write a column now

Well, not quite a column. But, as part of my duties of writing/sending out the VOC newsletter, I write Ms. Manners. Since none of you go are part of the VOC, I'm going to share them here. This is my first entry, written today:

Dear Ms. Manners,
I have exams/theses/marking to study for/write/do, and this is making me very sad because I want to be outside.
Sincerely, Very Sad

Dear Very Sad,
There are several strategies for dealing with this:
-strategic time management: If you've got a little bit of flexibility in your schedule, only study when it is raining. For this to work, whenever it is raining, you must be studying.
-Don't sleep: Study all night, outdoors all day
-Combine: If by some chance you don't need to be at a computer/in a lab, use boring slogging time to catch up on your reading. Let's face it, when you're going up logging roads and such, no need to really pay attention. Simply construct a device which attaches to your helmet and hang your papers in front of you. (I think I saw such a device in a Doctor Seuss book once) Slogging becomes less boring, and you're being multitaskingly productive.

-Ms. Manners

hahaha, that's awesome. I especially like option 3. What is VOC? my guess... Vancouver outdoor club

Hahaha

I look forward to more. :)

Considering how much it rains in Vancouver, option one might actually be plausible.

VOC stands for Varsity Outdoor Club (so you are close, Dee) I don't actually know why it's called Varsity. Anyway, it's the UBC Outdoor Club

This one was mostly written by my housemate Julien



Dear Ms Manners

What is this “rock-climbing” you speak of? Why does it inspire such cult-like devotion amongst its followers? I have heard so many talking about it, and yet it remains a mystery to me. Can you shed some light?

-curious


Dear Curious,
While it is perfectly natural to have some apprehension about your first contact with this primeval simian activity or its primitive actors, it can actually be a beautiful lifetime experience that will forever alter your perception of JOY, Freedom, gravity, fear, pain, ingrown toenails… everything that gives life its sweet taste. As with anything that is beautiful, it is often deadly and therefore using protection is highly recommended . But enough digressions and off to the main event ! The ritual begins by tying the designated victim (you) to a rope to prevent any attempt of escape and encase his feet in some middle-age torture device similar to a shoe in shape (but definitely not size). Afterwards, a designated party keeps a sharp eye and tight leash on said victim as it begins its ascent of a cliff. The “quality” of the cliff invariably turns out to be inversely proportional to your ability to climb it. After a brief but intense period of calculated moves and crux-matic moments, drenched in sweat and out of breath, you will find inner peace in the contemplation of a summit view. Then comes the time to go down, much faster than you went up, but hopefully not too much faster.

-Ms.Manners

This one probably requires context to understand

Dear Ms. Manners,
Can I have a Clif bar?
Sincerely, Hungry

Dear Hungry,
I will respond to your question with more questions.
Are you leading a beginner-friendly trip and want to keep energy and morale levels high?
Will you take a cool summit/action shot with your Clif bar?
Are you veeeeeeeeeeeeery hungry?
If you answered yes to any of the above, yeah, take a Clif bar.

-Ms. Manners

My two latest:

Dear Ms Manners,

Snow, rain, white-outs, cold, I'm used to all that now. But this warmth and sunshine is something new. How do I deal with it?

Sincerely,
Hawt


Dear Hawt,

I've compiled a short list of do's and don't's:

Do: Put sunscreen on the bottom of your nose, and the back of your knees
Don't: Cross the Neve in a kilt
Do: Drink lots of water
Don't: Forget to bring fuel to melt snow if that is your water source
Do: Water sports!
Don't: Drink ocean water

-Ms Manners




Dear Ms Manners,

I have heard mesmerizing musings on mysterious masses,
and tittering tales of tall towers
and singular stories of sewn stuff
of bright orange fleece.

Tell me more.

Sincerely,
Haunted, and Inspired.


Dear Haunted, and Inspired,

Ah yes, the fleece. Much has been cut, sewn, fashioned into hats and sweaters and blankets and ponchos and more. But yet, much remains. The fleece is a mysterious thing. You have to see it, to jump in a pile of it, to feel its soft fuzziness all around you to truly understand its magic. It is magnificent in its unfaltering orange.

A piece of this timeless treasure can now be yours for the low low price of (omg!) ABSOLUTELY FREE! Just contact one of the keepers of the golden fleece. And you too, can enjoy this the magic in your own home.

-Ms Manners